


Be with me

by Eve1978



Category: Bucky Barnes - Fandom, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Steve Rogers - Fandom
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Jealousy, Love Confessions, M/M, This is my first attempt at Stucky be gentle, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-20
Updated: 2017-05-20
Packaged: 2018-11-02 23:55:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10955388
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eve1978/pseuds/Eve1978
Summary: The idea for this fic came to me when I heard the song Dancing on my own by Callum Scott, and it made me think of Bucky watching Steve dance with a girl and feeling all sad/jealous about it.





	Be with me

//Somebody said you got a new friend  
Does she love you better than I can?  
And there’s a big black sky over my town  
I know where you’re at, I bet she’s around//

Her hair was long and curly, dancing on her shoulders as she moved gracefully to the music. Her smile was warm and loving, perfect teeth and sparkly blue eyes that lit up with her smile. Her arms hung loosely around his neck, fingers playing with his hair as they danced. 

Bucky hid behind a small group while he watched them.

They were dancing, slow and close. Too close. She leaned her forehead against his, blocking his face from Bucky’s view but he knew it was him. He’d recognize him in any crowd anywhere.  
He swayed along with her to the music, Bucky watched as his strong arms wrapped around her waist and his fingers gently caressed her lower back. When they turned Bucky could see the happy smile on his face and the way he kept his eyes locked with hers. 

He looked happy, as if nothing else on this earth mattered to him except her and this moment they shared. Bucky felt like someone had just punched him in the gut.

//And yeah, I know it’s stupid  
But I just gotta see it for myself   
I’m in the corner, watching you kiss her,  
I’m right over here, why can’t you see me?//

Bucky took another long sip from his bottle, he wasn’t sure how many drinks he’d had but the alcohol was finally starting to numb his senses.   
About damn time.

They were kissing now, Bucky’s stomach was turning and he was starting to feel physically sick. He couldn’t stand to be in this place one second longer. The loud base of the music and the other people dancing way too close to him suddenly put him on edge. When one of the girls started dancing up against him he shoved her aside a little too roughly.

‘Hey, watch it asshole!’ she gave him an angry push back.

’I’m sorry,’ Bucky muttered but she had already turned away from him and didn’t hear his apology.

He needed to get out. Now.

 

//I’m all messed up, I’m so out of line, yeah  
Stilettos and broken bottles  
I’m spinning around in circles.”//

‘Buck? What the hell are you doing here?’

Bucky stopped in his tracks. Hearing Steve’s voice always made his day infinitely better but today was different.

‘Steve,’ he sighed,’ I…well…I just…’  
Bucky was stumbling over words that didn’t come. He was usually a natural at making up excuses but the alcohol was clouding his brain. 

He’d never been in this club before, it was in the other side of the town and Steve knew he never came this far. There was no explanation that made any sense to him except ‘I’ve been following you around’ and there was no way he could say that.

Much to Bucky’s surprise Steve just laughed at his stupid stuttering,’ Man, just how drunk are you?’

‘A little,’ Bucky confessed.

That was the biggest understatement of the year, his knees were wobbly and he wasn’t sure if it was from the booze or the fact that Steve was standing so close now and he had his hand on Bucky’s shoulder to keep him grounded.

‘Do you need a ride home?’ Steve asked, compassion in his eyes.

‘You should go back to your misses over there,’ Bucky refused and he pushed Steve’s hand away.  
He spit out the last word and regretted it instantly because now Steve was looking at him like he just insulted him.

‘Why don’t you hang with us? I’ll introduce you to her,’ Steve tried.

I’d rather let Hydra poke my brain again, Bucky thought but he just shook his head firmly while biting his tongue.

‘Come on, she’s really nice, you’ll like her,’ Steve insisted.

‘Forget it, Rogers, go back to your date,’ Bucky pushed past him and made his way out of the club without looking back.

//So far away but still so near  
The lights come up, the music dies  
But you don’t see me standing here  
I just came to say goodbye//

Steve felt uneasy as soon as Bucky was gone. He’d looked so messed up, and drunk off his ass. 

The thing was Bucky didn’t drink, nor did he visit clubs like this, or hung out in this part of the city.

‘Everything okay?’ Steve’s date gave him a worried smile and put her hands on his shoulders.

‘Yeah, I…actually no,’ Steve sighed and he grabbed her hands,’ my friend may be in trouble. I’m so sorry but I need to go.’

She nodded her head and looked at him,’ That friend’s named Bucky again by any chance?’

‘Yeah, I really am sorry.’

It wasn’t the first time Steve had interrupted a date because Bucky needed his help, or just because he was worried. Or because he didn’t want Bucky to be alone.

‘You know you’re very good at making a girl feel second best, Rogers,’ she teased him and kissed his lips softly before he could object. 

Steve kissed her back quickly before he pulled back. ‘I’m an asshole,’ he then sighed.

‘Maybe, but you’re a real cute asshole, and I like hanging out with you, just…call me when Mr Barnes doesn’t need you anymore, okay?’

She smiled and looked at him for a while before she nodded her head and turned around. For some reason Steve was sure she knew. 

That day would never come.

***

Steve checked all the streets and little corners around the club but Bucky was nowhere to be found. 

When he arrived in front of his apartment an hour later he found Bucky sitting on the pavement. He looked lost, and cold, and very much out of it, and he was still holding a bottle of beer in his hands.

‘You look like shit,’ Steve said as he stood in front of him. He really wanted to be annoyed with Bucky, angry even, but the puppy dog eyes looking up at him made it impossible.

‘I’m sorry,’ Bucky muttered,’ I’m sorry, I ruined your date.’

Steve sighed and reached out his hand to him,’ You didn’t ruin anything. Come on, come inside.’

Steve went into the bathroom to clean himself up and put on some more comfortable clothes while Bucky crashed on the couch. Steve threw the bottle of alcohol Bucky was carrying into the trash while he shook his head in disbelief.

When he walked back into his living room Bucky seemed to have fallen asleep on the couch, his head on the pillow and his legs stretched out on the rest of the couch. 

Steve carefully stepped closer and took one of the blankets to cover him. He tried his best not to wake Bucky but when he moved away Bucky suddenly stirred in his sleep and reached for Steve, grabbing his hand.

‘Don’t leave me alone, Stevie, I’ve been alone so long.’

Bucky’s voice was soft and pleading and it hit Steve right in the gut.

‘I’ve been alone so very long,’ Bucky continued, slurring his words. Steve knew it was drunk talk but his heart sank in his chest anyway.

‘Please, please stay with me, Stevie,’ Bucky begged, still holding onto Steve’s hand.

Steve kneeled down next to him and brought Bucky’s hand up to his chest, holding it close to his heart.  
’I’m here, Buck,’ he whispered,’ I’m not going anywhere.’

‘I miss you,’ Bucky whispered.

‘I’m right here,’ Steve reassured him and he sat down on the ground. Bucky’s eyes were closed but Steve knew he wasn’t sleeping, Bucky’s hand was clinging to his. 

Steve’s heart was pounding in his chest.

‘Buck?’ he tried.

‘Hmmm?’

‘Why were you in that club tonight? Why were you drinking?’ Steve knew it was a cheap trick trying to get him to talk when he was clearly out of it. But he knew Bucky well enough to know that alcohol was like truth serum to him. 

If he wanted to find out what was going on with Bucky now was the time to do it.

‘Went lookin’ for you,’ Bucky muttered with his eyes still closed,’ Nat said you had a girl…wanted to see it for myself.’

Steve stayed quiet and made a mental note not to tell Natasha anything more than she needed to know next time.

‘Why?’ he then asked confused.

‘’I don’t like it, Stevie, you’re not supposed to do that,’ Bucky’s eyes opened slowly and for a few seconds he looked right at Steve,’ you’re supposed to…be with me.’

His eyes closed again and he breathed deeply while he whispered the words again,’ you’re supposed to be with me.’

Even though Bucky said it twice Steve still wasn’t sure he actually heard those words right but he was holding onto Bucky’s hand for dear life. 

‘You’ll always be the most important person to me, Buck, don’t even question that,’ he then spoke fondly, you’re my best friend in the entire world.’

Bucky chuckled and then laughed but it was a crazy, desperate laugh,’ You’re so stupid, Stevie, you’re so stupid.’

‘Why is that? Buck?’

This time there was no answer and Steve noticed Bucky was breathing harder again, he was falling asleep.

‘Buck?’ Steve whispered but the room stayed quiet, leaving him alone with his thoughts and Bucky’s hand numb in his.

***

His head felt heavy and the bed incredibly uncomfortable. When he turned and opened his eyes he noticed he wasn’t lying in a bed at all. He was lying on a couch, Steve’s couch. Oh shit.

Images of the night before flashed before Bucky’s eyes while he tried to sit up.  
The room was quiet and Steve was nowhere to be found.   
Bucky took his time to stand up and made his way to the bathroom for a quick shower that cleared his thoughts.

He remembered the club, he remembered Steve dragging him upstairs and putting him on the couch. He didn’t remember anything else.

Bucky hesitantly made his way to the kitchen after his shower, finding Steve behind the stove. He was cooking eggs and the smell of coffee was starting to fill the entire apartment.

‘Morning,’ Bucky muttered.

‘Do you want breakfast?’ Steve asked but didn’t turn around to look at him.

‘Don’t know if my stomach will hold it,’ Bucky sighed.

This time Steve turned around, a look of worry on his face. He was only wearing shorts and a t-shirt and his hair was still messy from the bed. He looked even better than last night and Bucky couldn’t help but stare.

‘Buck, is everything alright with you?’ 

‘Sure, why wouldn’t it be?’ he avoided Steve’s gaze quickly and sat down.

’You followed me around town to a club, filled with people, you willingly put yourself into a crowd and then you drank so much you practically passed out on my couch, none of this is you, what’s going on?’ Steve insisted.

‘It’s…it’s complicated.’

‘I’m sure it is,’ Steve handed him a cup of coffee and sat down on the kitchen stool next to him,’ but you’re not leaving my apartment until you explain it to me.’  
Bucky avoided his eyes and took a sip from the coffee. His stomach immediately told him that was a bad idea and he put the cup down.

‘You said some stuff last night,’ Steve spoke carefully,’ while you were almost passed out on my couch.’

Bucky’s heart froze with fear,’ What stuff?’

‘I’m not sure if I heard you right, or if you even knew what you were saying,’ Steve sighed and waved his comment away, ’Maybe you want to try again now that you’re sober?’

Bucky stayed quiet, afraid to even look Steve in the eyes.

‘It’s me, Buck,’ Steve said when he noticed his hesitation,’ you can tell me anything, I’m your oldest and best friend.’

‘That’s the problem,’ Bucky sighed, more to himself than to Steve.

‘I’m the problem?’ Steve asked, genuine surprise on his face.

‘No, you’re not! It’s…if I tell you…there’s no way back from that, and I don’t know if you’ll still be my friend,’ Bucky let out a relieved sigh after having spoken the words.   
But this was the easiest part.

‘Bucky, we’ve been through hell and back, there is nothing we can’t come back from.’

Bucky let out a little chuckle,’ Just remember you said that.’

‘Come on,’ Steve turned to face him and looked into his eyes,’ tell me what’s up.’

Bucky looked into Steve’s eyes, those kind blue eyes he’d known so well for so many years even though the face surrounding them had changed a lot since they were young.

This was it, this was his chance and Bucky wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol from last night that made him bold but he decided right then and there that if he was ever going to speak up it might as well be now.

‘I’m in love with you, Steve.’

Bucky cringed as soon as he heard his own voice speak the words but it was too late now to take it back. He had no choice but to continue.

‘I’ve been in love with you for as long as I can remember, Stevie, long before all this, when we were both just kids from Brooklyn,’ he continued,’ all those nights we spent sharing a bed in your apartment…I know that was a necessity to you, to keep warm and fight the cold but it was so much more than that to me…’

Steve couldn’t speak, all he could do was stare at his friend.

’I sometimes left the window open just so it would be cold enough for you to want me in your bed,’ Bucky then confessed with a little embarrassed smile,’ I couldn’t say anything back then, I thought something was wrong with me, boys weren’t supposed to…feel that for other boys. I felt disgusted with myself.’

‘Buck,’ Steve’s voice was shaking and he shook his head.

‘The girls were always just there and it was so easy, they were so willing and I…I’m not proud of that,’ Bucky continued,’ but I thought if I just distracted myself enough it would all blow over, and I’d forget about you.’

Steve was quiet and the longer he stayed quiet the more Bucky was starting to regret saying anything. 

‘That clearly didn’t work,’ Bucky sighed and for the first time since his confession he allowed himself to look at Steve. 

Steve looked wrecked, his mouth still open in shock and tears in his eyes.

‘Say something,’ Bucky pleaded softly,’ please.’

Steve shook his head but there were no words coming out of his mouth.

‘Say something, Steve, don’t do this to me,’ Bucky’s voice was breaking and before Steve could answer he was out of his seat and grabbing his coat from the couch.

‘Buck,’ Steve sighed.

‘Forget it, just forget all of it,’ Bucky rushed out the door and slammed it shut with a loud bang. 

Steve broke down in tears as soon as he was gone.

***

//Somebody said you got a new friend  
Does she love you better than I can?  
And there’s a big black sky over my town  
I know where you’re at, I bet she’s around//

Steve stayed hidden in the crowd at first, just watched him from the side of the dance floor, trying to stay out of his sight. 

It was one week after Bucky’s confession. Steve had been following him around since, staying out of sight but making sure he was okay. 

Bucky’s words had been overwhelming and a complete shock, and at the same time Steve realized that some part of him had always known it to be true. He just hadn’t been willing to see it, or accept it. 

It wasn’t that he couldn’t accept it from Bucky, the problem had never been Bucky.   
The problem was Steve had never been able to accept it for himself. 

That he liked men, the same way he liked women. 

Only that wasn’t entirely true, he didn’t like men. He liked Bucky. It was him, and it would only ever be him.

Bucky stood in the middle of the dance floor, swaying to the music, a girl hanging around his neck. 

He was playing it up so well, his arm around her waist as they both moved up against each other, hips grinding, eyes staring deeply into hers and a little smirk around his lips. 

The girl was already lost and Steve couldn’t help but suppress a little smile as he watched them. Bucky could charm the pants off anyone without even really trying, he’d always had that power and it was clear the years at least hadn’t changed that.

But Steve’s smile faded when Bucky leaned forward and kissed the girl full on the lips.

//I’m in the corner, watching you kiss her,   
I’m right over here, why can’t you see me?//

‘I’m sorry,’ Steve apologized to the girl in Bucky’s arms when he stepped in between them.

‘What are you doing here?’ Bucky asked under his breath.

‘Who’s he?’ the girl asked, annoyed that someone interrupted her intimate moment with the handsome stranger she wanted to take home that night.

‘I’m his boyfriend,’ Steve answered her question first, making Bucky’s mouth drop. The look of determination in Steve’s eyes made Bucky’s heart jump.

The girl shook her head and then laughed,’ Of course he’s gay, that’s just my luck.’  
She moved away from both men shaking her head.

Bucky could only stare at Steve who now stood right in front of him, a soft little smile on his lips.

‘I’m sorry I took so long,’ Steve apologized.

‘When I didn’t hear from you I thought…I thought I ruined everything,’ Bucky was struggling to keep his voice steady, and his legs.

‘You didn’t, but I almost did,’ Steve sighed and he grabbed Bucky’s t-shirt with both hands to pull him closer.

Bucky could have melted on the spot when Steve leaned his forehead against his and started moving with the music, his hands now caressing Bucky’s hips.

‘Are you sure about this?’ Bucky asked.

‘Never been more sure about anything in my life, Buck,’ Steve whispered and he leaned forward, kissing Bucky softly on the lips.

Bucky’s arms wrapped around Steve’s neck, fingers into his hair as he pressed himself against him and deepened the kiss. 

There was no one else on the dance floor anymore, they all disappeared as soon as Steve’s lips touched his. The world may have crumbled around them and turned to dust and Bucky would have let it.

All he could feel was Steve kissing him back as if he was his sole reason to breathe. Steve’s firm body pressed against his, Steve’s arms holding Bucky up while their tongues explored,   
When Steve rolled his hips Bucky could feel his growing hardness against his thigh.

’Buck,’ Steve whispered heavily into Bucky’s ear. 

They were both out of breath and unable to stop touching each other.   
Bucky kissed him again and then looked into his eyes,’ Yeah?’

‘All those nights when we shared a bed,’ Steve spoke softly while he caressed Bucky’s face,’ they meant more to me too, they were my reason to live. You were my reason to live. I just wasn’t ready to see it.’

Bucky smiled and pulled him closer into a tight hug, burying his face into Steve’s neck while he fought against his tears.

‘I see it now,’ Steve leaned back to look at him while he grabbed Bucky’s neck and stared into his eyes,’ I’m sorry it took me so long, Buck.’

‘We’re here now,’ Bucky whispered shakily.

‘Yeah, we are,’ Steve smiled,’ and I’m not wasting any more time. No more dancing with girls. The only one I’m dancing with from now on is you.’

He leaned forward and kissed Bucky again, his kiss even more loving and hungry than before.


End file.
